A Month in My Life – May 10

The random happenings in my life during May 2010.  The names of the guilty have been changed. But they should know who they are. I might even be subject to some retribution…….

The General Election duly happened and no less than two parties won. How long will the ConDem Pact last. Well, my 10p is way less than the 5 years they are hoping for! Whilst I was bombarded with leaflets through the door, no one formally popped round to canvass me. What a shame: I was really up for a full blown row!

I used my time wisely on General Election Day. I emailed South Glos Council with a complaint over the state of the roads near me. Then I told my Parish Counsellor who only lives 100 yards away from me. I think this is conclusive proof that I have officially become a Grumpy Old Man. Yes, I’m proud of it as well.

So, what happened following my complaint? Well, not a lot. South Glos have never got back to me and my local Counsellor is a little slow at replying as well. To follow the story and see the emails, click on this link: https://smarty09.wordpress.com/2010/06/01/patchway-potholes/

If your car has been damaged by potholes, visit this site: www.potholes.co.uk

As for the ConDem pact I have a thought provoking point. Whatever your politics, you have to admit that David Cameron is a very bright chap. So if the pact works, he takes the credit. But what if it fails? Well, surely that will suddenly become Nick Clegg’s fault? So he can neatly sidestep any failure. After all, that’s what great politicians do. Don’t they? So in other words, whatever happens, David Cameron gets re-elected next time round. Mmmmmm, we will find out later if I’m talking out of my…….

For a reason that baffles me, Burger Boy decided to go up in a small plane and jump out. I paid him to do it mind. A week before he was totally bricking it….. And afterwards? Well he wants to do it all over again that’s what he wants to do for his 18th! He obviously enjoyed that particular moment “wooooooaaa, what a rush”.   He raised £515 for Wings of Hope. If you click on this link, a PDF file should open with more info Burger Boys Skydive

I do not watch Question Time too often, but there are still debates over the Iraq war. For goodness sake, we will find out the true answers in 100 years time. We will all be dead. So let’s move on. What has happened cannot be changed. And for what it’s worth, my best bet is that there were genuine reasons why the Government believed so strongly on them having WMD. We soddin well sold them to Iraq in the first place! The issue was we did not know how many they had left over after using them on the Kurds and the Iranian Marshland people.

Have you ever played the supermarket game? What you do is pack your bags, get to the car and drive off, before the person at the check-out queue in front of you does. I’ve done it loads of times. It’s great fun and the expression on some people’s faces is priceless! Go on, give it a whirl……..and email me with your own supermarket stories!

Finally we had a few days of solid blue skies. Very nice to. And at long last I got the full benefit of my Power Monkey Solar Charger. Ooodles of free power for my gadgets.

I went to a local fundraiser and stumbled on jars of local honey. Needless to say, I indulged and is well, worth the price. At least I now have contact details for the future. Local honey should help reduce any hayfever systems, so we will see. But in the meantime it is delightful stuff to put on freshly baked bread. YUM.

The month ended with my one and only niece turning 17. Bloomin ‘eck, where did that time go? I vividly remember seeing her when she was just a few hours old. As it was a very difficult birth, her head was egg shaped with massive bruising. Thankfully no long term damage was done.

Whilst thinking of family stuff, I know what my Old Man was doing 70 years ago. He was at Dunkirk digging graves on the beach. That, my friends, is the reality of war. Because of his duties he was on the 2nd to last boat out. And to prove it’s a small world, I know the son of the Dunkirk Beachmaster – so he was last man off the beach. Remember. War is just mans inhumanity to man. Nothing else. 24 million people lost their lives on WWII. Remember that with a tear in your eye. 

I have cable TV and I am thoroughly indebted to Virgin Media for consistently re-booting at 11pm. Right at the important points in movies etc. It’s a good job I’m a relaxed laid back cool dude (!) otherwise I would be going purple with rage and having a right ‘ol rant……..and it only happened 6 times on the trot!

On the camera front, I treated myself to a new Macro Lens. That’s a specialist lens that takes close up pictures. Had a good play with it and experimenting like crazy. He’s a sample (pornographic) shot:

Mating time

Mr Ranter finally found his way back to Bristol on a Thursday night and we went out for a Friday bike ride. I had not been out for almost 2 months, so a bit of trepidation on my part. But I survived and managed 21 miles. I could not feel my legs after about the 16^th mile. So on that basis, it did me good. Mr Ranter took it all in his stride as he’s out as often as he can as he is planning to ride up Mt Ventoux this year. It’s a famous mountain climb that the Tour de France use most years.

On the last weekend of the month, I finally “ticked another box” and went to New Road, Worcester to watch Glos v Worcs. If you don’t know, New Road always makes the Top 10 prettiest cricket grounds in the world. Well, it’s certainly the prettiest I have ever been to. It was a nice weather day, great food and fabulous company throughout. And it was great to hear so many people talking with a brummie accent. Lovely. But I have a rather unexpected highlight for you. I was taken aback with the sign “chip butty £2.85”. In fact I was mesmerised. Don’t think I have ever seen a sign for a chip butty! That brought back memories. Chip Butty = food of the gods. Is your mouth watering right now?

New Road is also famous for its home made cakes, and I was not disappointed. Lydney Bob only had 5. Nowhere near his all time record of 7.

Would you believe the month ends with me taking charge of two hamsters whilst PALS go on holiday? Hope the little rascals behave themselves in front of the camera.

General Randomness

No new articles written this month. and only a few jokes as well. Must have been working lots then!

Sports News

The month started with the crowning of a new snooker World Champion. Well done to Neil Robertson. He’s an Australian by the way. And rather good looking as well. Am I allowed to say that?????

On the football front, the Premier League champions were Chelski. They also won The FA  Cup. The teams to get relegated were Portsmouth, Burnley and Hull. Yea, gads, I predicted these three last September. Wish I had the courage of my convictions and popped down to the bookies! Oh well, never mind.

And then, in the middle of the month something quite remarkable happened. England were crowned Twenty20 cricket World Champions. That’s the first time the cricketers have ever been World Champs. And they beat the Aussies in the final as well. Nice. Very nice. To paraphrase a rather famous piece of commentary “Kylie, Jason, Dame Edna, Rolf Harris, Don Bradman. Your boys took a hell of a beating!”

In the world of Rugby, Exeter Chiefs won promotion to the Premiership. They beat Bristol in both of the 2-game finals. Exeter were definitely the best team, Bristol making lots of errors.

I will leave you with a picture of a spin bowler in a rather awkward position. I took at at my trip to New Road. Till next month 😉

The awkward shape of a spin bowler

A Month in My Life – April 10

The random happenings in my life during April 2010. The names of the guilty have been changed. But they should know who they are. I might even be subject to some retribution…….

The election was duly announced and so there was a massive pile of paper thru my letterbox. At least I found out that I was in a brand new constituency! And did you spot there was an obvious omission in all the manifesto’s? Well, here it is: “if elected and we fail to implement 75% of the manifesto, then we admit we are liars and useless in our jobs. Therefore we will not be standing again”. So in other words……..use your vote with care.

Burger Boy’s buckle belt looks like this:

Burger Boys Belt Buckle

You will have spotted that a certain volcano caused a lot of havoc. Masses of media attention and I do not know anyone who was caught up in it. No different from the Swine Flu then – I still don’t know anyone who caught it……. But I did enjoy all the jokes.

Now here is a classic tale about red tape. There is a Housing Charity that has done brilliant work for many years. In the last 3 years they have doubled in size and helped out countless people. Given their increased size, they decide to use the Law Society to review their work. Quality of work was given the thumbs up, but they now have tripled the amount of paperwork they used to do. As they do not have the funds for extra staffing, they have had to reduce the number of people they see. This means less help for people in the community. Less help due to extra paperwork. Quality of work unchanged. Sounds daft to me.

And one of the things the Charity is famous for?…….suing local Councils for making people homeless as they have not understood or applied the law properly. Mmmm, I’m going purple with rage again……

I spent a few days down in Cornwall and The Boss ran me ragged. Friends were also down that way and so we all hooked up. A very busy and thoroughly enjoyable few days were had. If you are ever in Truro, make sure you visit the Kathmandu for they do the finest curries you will ever come across. And if you are in the Gorran Haven area, pop into Treveague Farm and you will see nature in action:

New born lamb at Treveague Farm

Mr Ranter discovered that I have been blogging about him. Now you might just be a tad puzzled as to why he had no idea. Well, he’s not on Twatter and thinks Facewink is a pointless collection of non-friends. But he has only just discovered the delights of a smartphone, so there is a chink of light in the tunnel. Anyway, he wishes to point out he does NOT rant. He is the voice of reason. Yea, right!

I have just realised I have not had a rant over South Glos Council for a while. I mentioned all the potholes left after the winter snow a while back. Well, the really bad ones were fixed pretty quickly. The smaller ones were circled in yellow paint about 2 months back. There were so many circles, I described it as “the yellow brick road”. And I can now report that the paint is fading – fast. Any bets on which month the repairs will actually happen?

Went out for a long bike ride on a very gusty day, so it was hard work. OK, it damn near killed me! But finally, I experienced a tailwind that led me to accelerate rather nicely….uphill. First time I have had that one happen, and rare events are always nice! And I’m pleased to say that my perseverance with the wobble board has paid off. My bike handling is greatly improved.

General Randomness

Looks like I am about to embark on a spot of family tree research. Given my weird family, it is bound to be hysterically funny!

Probably the best thing I discovered this month was Dropbox. An online site where you can store up to 2GB for free. Never loose a file again. I like that. And it automatically updates changed files as well. Super, super stuff. My simple  guide is here: https://smarty09.wordpress.com/2010/04/24/dropbox/

Sports News

Firstly, big congratulations to that “little” team called Fulham. They have made it all the way to the Europa League Final. An amazing fairytale that started way back last July.

I was treated to some lovely hospitality for the Bristol City v Notts Forest game. The quality of the food was matched by the quality of the football: excellent (for once!). Interestingly, Burger Boy had a good go at eating a proper meal, but his eyes really lit up after the game – large pile of pizza. There’s no hope for the lad.

Mangotsfield’s Easter Monday derby with Yate saw them win. Unsoddinbelievable!! I have waited 5 years for this victory and it comes on a cool windy day. Lets hope this is the start of a decent run in the local derbies. Please. Pretty please ;). The season officially ended with the club in a comfortable 9th position. Hope they can build on this for next season.

And then the cricket season started with woeful performances by Gloucestershire. The whole team is just not performing and the body language is truly awful. Something is wrong. Seriously wrong. So why do I go? Well, I’m sat in the sun, nattering to all and sundry. So in other words it’s a massive social. Nowt to do with quality of cricket……But then on the last day of the month they pull off an away win at Lords. Onwards and upwards? We shall see.

The warmer weather sees the start of the Motorbike racing season. I have not been to the opening British Superbikes meets, but have been watching the TV coverage. Some very close racing going on in the support races.

And MotoGP also began. The first race was just littered with unexpected events – very, very enjoyable. In case you have not guessed, 2 wheels rule by the way 😉

The best sporting moment of the year so far is an utterly astonishing win in the World Snooker championship. Steve “interesting” Davis knocks out the World No 1 and reigning world champ. Steve is 52 years old. There’s life in the old dog then. Commentators described it as the best ever victory whilst the tournament has been at The Crucible. Needless to say he got utterly thrashed in the next match!

A Month in My Life – March 2010

The random happenings in my life during March 2010.  The names of the guilty have been changed. But they should know who they are. I might even be subject to some retribution…….

Firstly I have to start with a massive “thank you” to everyone out there in the webby world. I started this little blog venture at the end of August 2009. I have now had over 1,000 blog site hits. I’m utterly gob smacked. I set myself a target of a 100 hits a month. I’m now regularly getting 150+. Wow. Miles above my expectations – and who knows where this is going. The main thing for me is fun. Making someone smile comes free of charge……..

Oh, and if you are interested, I rarely publicise my blog site. The hits are all down to copious amounts of “tags” in my postings. So people find me via searches. And I suppose loads of jokes help the cause!

Right, I guess everyone in the UK is well and truly t’eed off with the weather. Enough’s enough and time for a tactical change. I propose that a weather announcer is ritually sacrificed every week. Yes, folks lets get back to Pagan Rituals!!

And as we know, it has been a truly awful winter. And yet, much to my surprise, my herb garden is in full flow. It has survived. Yippee!

Chives and Coriander growing well after the harsh winter

Having succumbed to a football match burger, I was called Burger Boy 2. Oh, the ignominy!

Whilst on the subject of food, I need to have a moan about hot cross buns. Yes, they are not hot, and that is because it has become the custom to have them cold. But this year, how many have you seen any with something resembling a decent cross? Very poor show in my book. I mean, just how difficult is it to put a cross on! Should I be tootling off to Trading Standards?

And after about 20 odd years of me badgering away, The Boss finally succumbs to having hearing aids. You would never guess that she’s experiencing a whole new world now. Like she can actually hear me on the phone. And she no longer has a silent flush on the loo. In fact she cannot believe the level of noise a flush makes! Big sigh of relief on my part. She’s 83 by the way.

Are you worried over the price of fuel? Well, don’t forget that 75% of the pump price is tax. Prices have risen recently and this is due to increases in the price of oil – which is bought in $ and £ has depreciated against the almighty $. Now Stirling has depreciated because of the poor state of the UK economy. Got that? It has nothing to do with oil companies. Now go out into the streets and spread the word!!!.

I bought a step counter and this proved conclusively that excessive tea drinking is good for you. It keeps my step count up for all the trips backwards and forwards to the loo. It is this sort of thinking that got me where I am today!

Omron Step Counter. Just put it in your pocket and it counts your steps. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy!

And also bought gel insoles for my trainers. Wow, do they make a big difference. No more foot pain after an hours walking. Great!!

With the rubbish weather, I only managed to cycle 40 odd miles in the month. But at least I managed a longer trip to improve my endurance side. Having built up my fitness again, now is the time to get off the tarmac and onto canal towpaths, forest trails etc. To this end I bought a Garmin Edge 605 MTB, so the bike now has SatNav. The blurb tells me I’ll never get lost. As I’m never one to shy away from a challenge….

And a couple of cycle incidents to report. I was attacked by a terrier dog, snapping away at my left heel. Dog and owner not overly impressed with the sharp kick I handed out either. And no, the dog was not on a lead and the owner’s vocalbary was limited to four letter words!

And then a young mum with pushchair aimed her buggy at me on a very wide pathway to deliberately block my way, so I had a last minute manoeuvre to dodge them. She obviously wanted me on the road in the heavy traffic. For goodness sake, the path was wide enough for at least three double buggies to be side by side! She obviously was not into sharing “her” pathway.  And of course she was perfectly happy to put pram and baby in the way, therefore totally relying on me to brake and swerve. Nice!

The Northern expression is “nowt so queer as folk”. Yes, indeedie!!

Keep smiling folks. It’s good for the soul, honest.

General Randomness

 No major new articles written this month. But lots of jokes for your enjoyment and I now have a separate cycling section. There is lots on in April, but mainly sporting related as we have the magical crossover of football, rugby, cricket and motorbike racing. Yum Yum.

Another attempt is being made on the round the world cycling record. Alan Bate is trying to do 18,000 odd miles in…..wait for it…..95 days. You can follow the nutter here: http://www.worldcyclingrecord.com/

Sports News

Now where do I start? Lets do Rugby for a change. Bristol are now in the promotional play off system and I went to the first game. They duly beat the Cornish Pirates. I was given a free ticket. And had a free pint. And a free pasty as well. And yet I felt cheated. Yes, really, I did. Bristol should have put the knife in and romped home to a big victory. But they didn’t.  The coach said afterwards that the players were nervous. Well, this is all irrelevant in my book. You are in the entertainment business. So entertain! What encouragement have I got to keep going back?

And on the football side, there was one, very important game. Arsenal v Barcelona at The Emirates. Anyone who knows football looked forward to that one. Now I know someone with a ticket. I offered £500 and was turned down. So he’s a proper football fan then. Bravo.

On a smaller scale, Bristol City sacked their manager. Strange goings on behind that one I think.

And on an even smaller scale, Mangotsfield are on a great winning streak with the team playing as a proper unit of players now. Good to see. It’s a shame more people don’t pop along to watch.

Moving onto cricket, England toured Bangladesh and won all their games. Big deal. But Bangladesh are touring the UK this spring, so whose going to pop along to watch them when they cannot even win a match in their own country? Do I spot a financial disaster looming?