Politics, heaven and hell

THIS IS A NONPARTISAN JOKE THAT CAN BE ENJOYED BY All PARTIES!

NOT ONLY THAT– IT IS POLITICALLY CORRECT!!

While walking down the street one day a “Member of Parliament” was tragically hit by a truck and died.

His soul arrived in heaven and was met by St. Peter at the entrance.

‘Welcome to heaven,’ said St. Peter.. ‘Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.’

‘No problem, just let me in,’ said the man.

‘Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.’

‘Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,’ said the MP.

‘I’m sorry, but we have our rules.’

And with that, St. Peter escorted him to the elevator and he was sent down, down, down to hell. The doors opened and he found himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance was a clubhouse, standing in front of it were all his deceased friends, many of whom were politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone was very happy and in evening dress. They ran to greet him, shaking his hand, and reminiscing about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne 

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who enjoyed dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realized it, it was time to go.

The M.P. received a hearty farewell and waved while the elevator began to move upwards…

The elevator went up, up, up and the door reopened in heaven where St. Peter was waiting for him.

‘Now it’s time to visit heaven.’

So, 24 hours pass with the M.P. joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing their harps and singing.  They had a good time and, before he realized it, the 24 hours had gone by and St. Peter returned.

‘Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.’

The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: ‘Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.’

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he went down, down, down to hell.

The doors of the elevator opened and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He saw all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash fell from above.

The devil came over to him and put an arm around his shoulders. ‘I don’t understand,’ stammered the M.P. ‘Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time… Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.

What happened?’ 

The devil looked at him, smiled and said,

‘Yesterday we were campaigning…  Today you voted.’ 

Nice job if you can get it

This is unbelievable, but can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 600 employees and has the following employee statistics.

of        29 have been accused of spouse abuse 
of        7 have been arrested for fraud 
of        9 have been accused of writing bad cheque’s 
of        17 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses 
of        3 have done time for assault 
of        71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit 
of        14 have been arrested on drug-related charges 
of        8 have been arrested for shoplifting 
of        21 are currently defendants in lawsuits 
of     84 have been arrested for drink driving in the last year 

And collectively, this year alone, they have cost the British taxpayer £92,993,748 in expenses!!!

Which organisation is this?

It’s the 635 members of the House of Commons, the same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us inline.

What a bunch of  XXXXXX  we have running our country – it says it all.. And just to top all that they now have the best ‘corporate’ pension scheme in the country!!

MP’s Expenses

So the public is riled with the grossly excessive MP’s expenses. Blah, blah, you know all the tales. And now there is the Kelly report on how to “clean it up”. Yes, there are some good ideas. But as is the British way, it’s putting a band aid on to fix only a small part of the problem.

Has the bigger picture been looked at? No. Have we taken the opportunity of having a major overall review of the Parlimentary set up? No. Are there a number of MP’s who have very quietly said they will not stand at the next election? Yes – loads of them.

So why have so many effectively resigned their posts? Well, I expect the main thing is “life’s to short” stuff. They can simply make more money elsewhere – and be out of the public limelight. So in other words, the Press has hounded a number of people out. But is there a brainpower drain going on? Will they be replaced by better or worse people? Who knows.

My view is that there should be a complete re-vamp along the following lines:

• Reduce the Parliamentary seats from 660 odd down to 500 or even less. This will increase the physical size of constituency’s
• MP’s will become full time. No external posts are to be held. That way they can concentrate on running the country. And they cannot be “bought”. Just what is wrong with a full time professional politician?
• As they are full time, the basic salary will be at least £150k, plus expenses. That way, MP’s should take their duties seriously and be wholly accountable to their voters. After all, isn’t that is what Parliament is all about?
• By paying a proper salary, there should be a number of MP’s with a high level of intelligence. Well, there’s always hope……