A Month in My Life – May 10

The random happenings in my life during May 2010.  The names of the guilty have been changed. But they should know who they are. I might even be subject to some retribution…….

The General Election duly happened and no less than two parties won. How long will the ConDem Pact last. Well, my 10p is way less than the 5 years they are hoping for! Whilst I was bombarded with leaflets through the door, no one formally popped round to canvass me. What a shame: I was really up for a full blown row!

I used my time wisely on General Election Day. I emailed South Glos Council with a complaint over the state of the roads near me. Then I told my Parish Counsellor who only lives 100 yards away from me. I think this is conclusive proof that I have officially become a Grumpy Old Man. Yes, I’m proud of it as well.

So, what happened following my complaint? Well, not a lot. South Glos have never got back to me and my local Counsellor is a little slow at replying as well. To follow the story and see the emails, click on this link: https://smarty09.wordpress.com/2010/06/01/patchway-potholes/

If your car has been damaged by potholes, visit this site: www.potholes.co.uk

As for the ConDem pact I have a thought provoking point. Whatever your politics, you have to admit that David Cameron is a very bright chap. So if the pact works, he takes the credit. But what if it fails? Well, surely that will suddenly become Nick Clegg’s fault? So he can neatly sidestep any failure. After all, that’s what great politicians do. Don’t they? So in other words, whatever happens, David Cameron gets re-elected next time round. Mmmmmm, we will find out later if I’m talking out of my…….

For a reason that baffles me, Burger Boy decided to go up in a small plane and jump out. I paid him to do it mind. A week before he was totally bricking it….. And afterwards? Well he wants to do it all over again that’s what he wants to do for his 18th! He obviously enjoyed that particular moment “wooooooaaa, what a rush”.   He raised £515 for Wings of Hope. If you click on this link, a PDF file should open with more info Burger Boys Skydive

I do not watch Question Time too often, but there are still debates over the Iraq war. For goodness sake, we will find out the true answers in 100 years time. We will all be dead. So let’s move on. What has happened cannot be changed. And for what it’s worth, my best bet is that there were genuine reasons why the Government believed so strongly on them having WMD. We soddin well sold them to Iraq in the first place! The issue was we did not know how many they had left over after using them on the Kurds and the Iranian Marshland people.

Have you ever played the supermarket game? What you do is pack your bags, get to the car and drive off, before the person at the check-out queue in front of you does. I’ve done it loads of times. It’s great fun and the expression on some people’s faces is priceless! Go on, give it a whirl……..and email me with your own supermarket stories!

Finally we had a few days of solid blue skies. Very nice to. And at long last I got the full benefit of my Power Monkey Solar Charger. Ooodles of free power for my gadgets.

I went to a local fundraiser and stumbled on jars of local honey. Needless to say, I indulged and is well, worth the price. At least I now have contact details for the future. Local honey should help reduce any hayfever systems, so we will see. But in the meantime it is delightful stuff to put on freshly baked bread. YUM.

The month ended with my one and only niece turning 17. Bloomin ‘eck, where did that time go? I vividly remember seeing her when she was just a few hours old. As it was a very difficult birth, her head was egg shaped with massive bruising. Thankfully no long term damage was done.

Whilst thinking of family stuff, I know what my Old Man was doing 70 years ago. He was at Dunkirk digging graves on the beach. That, my friends, is the reality of war. Because of his duties he was on the 2nd to last boat out. And to prove it’s a small world, I know the son of the Dunkirk Beachmaster – so he was last man off the beach. Remember. War is just mans inhumanity to man. Nothing else. 24 million people lost their lives on WWII. Remember that with a tear in your eye. 

I have cable TV and I am thoroughly indebted to Virgin Media for consistently re-booting at 11pm. Right at the important points in movies etc. It’s a good job I’m a relaxed laid back cool dude (!) otherwise I would be going purple with rage and having a right ‘ol rant……..and it only happened 6 times on the trot!

On the camera front, I treated myself to a new Macro Lens. That’s a specialist lens that takes close up pictures. Had a good play with it and experimenting like crazy. He’s a sample (pornographic) shot:

Mating time

Mr Ranter finally found his way back to Bristol on a Thursday night and we went out for a Friday bike ride. I had not been out for almost 2 months, so a bit of trepidation on my part. But I survived and managed 21 miles. I could not feel my legs after about the 16^th mile. So on that basis, it did me good. Mr Ranter took it all in his stride as he’s out as often as he can as he is planning to ride up Mt Ventoux this year. It’s a famous mountain climb that the Tour de France use most years.

On the last weekend of the month, I finally “ticked another box” and went to New Road, Worcester to watch Glos v Worcs. If you don’t know, New Road always makes the Top 10 prettiest cricket grounds in the world. Well, it’s certainly the prettiest I have ever been to. It was a nice weather day, great food and fabulous company throughout. And it was great to hear so many people talking with a brummie accent. Lovely. But I have a rather unexpected highlight for you. I was taken aback with the sign “chip butty £2.85”. In fact I was mesmerised. Don’t think I have ever seen a sign for a chip butty! That brought back memories. Chip Butty = food of the gods. Is your mouth watering right now?

New Road is also famous for its home made cakes, and I was not disappointed. Lydney Bob only had 5. Nowhere near his all time record of 7.

Would you believe the month ends with me taking charge of two hamsters whilst PALS go on holiday? Hope the little rascals behave themselves in front of the camera.

General Randomness

No new articles written this month. and only a few jokes as well. Must have been working lots then!

Sports News

The month started with the crowning of a new snooker World Champion. Well done to Neil Robertson. He’s an Australian by the way. And rather good looking as well. Am I allowed to say that?????

On the football front, the Premier League champions were Chelski. They also won The FA  Cup. The teams to get relegated were Portsmouth, Burnley and Hull. Yea, gads, I predicted these three last September. Wish I had the courage of my convictions and popped down to the bookies! Oh well, never mind.

And then, in the middle of the month something quite remarkable happened. England were crowned Twenty20 cricket World Champions. That’s the first time the cricketers have ever been World Champs. And they beat the Aussies in the final as well. Nice. Very nice. To paraphrase a rather famous piece of commentary “Kylie, Jason, Dame Edna, Rolf Harris, Don Bradman. Your boys took a hell of a beating!”

In the world of Rugby, Exeter Chiefs won promotion to the Premiership. They beat Bristol in both of the 2-game finals. Exeter were definitely the best team, Bristol making lots of errors.

I will leave you with a picture of a spin bowler in a rather awkward position. I took at at my trip to New Road. Till next month 😉

The awkward shape of a spin bowler

A month in my life – February 2010

The random happenings in my life during February 2010.  The names of the guilty have been changed. But they should know who they are. I might even be subject to some retribution…….

Burger Boy does NOT have a girlfriend. This is a fact. Well, that’s what his Dad tells me.

Bob the Builder keeps sending me loads of text jokes. He’s a good lad!

Skype finally released the official version for my mobile phone. Downloaded and installed fuss free. A test call or two and no problems encountered at all. But this was over my Wi-Fi network, yet to test it over 3G. Suspect it will be a bit flaky.

I am not sure whether this is just an “age thing” on not, but I increasingly despair at how soft and forgiving we are nowadays. Another classic example was a carer who stole money from a disabled woman she was looking after. The whole incident was caught on camera as well. She was given a four month suspended sentence. So in other words, just a slap on the wrist and no more. Yet the person had a position of trust and abused it. Sends out the wrong message in my book.

We all had a good moan at the MP expense candle. And now the Parliamentary body set up to monitor future expenses is to cost 6 times more than the repaid expenses. Nice to see common sense being applied then………

Just for a bit of a giggle, I started to do the Lottery again. Not taken part since the first few weeks when it started many years back. Decided to do it all on-line and it was dead easy to register and set up. I’m doing random numbers on the Euro Millions. Why? Well, bigger prize money and statistics show that if you are less likely to share a payout on random numbers. Will let you know if I win. Wonder from which part of the world I will post the news!!

And now for an update on my Power Monkey. It works a treat and charges both my mobile phones and i-Pod from the different adaptors. However, so far the solar charger is useless. The red charging light comes on in the weak winter light, but it has insufficient power to actually charge the unit. So now all packed away until April. I hope it works then as the cricket and motorbike seasons start, so I’m outdoors a lot.

Power Monkey at the back, solar charger in front

I’m now getting pretty well with my Wobble Board. It has taken some time to get used to, but the perseverance is worth it. It uses muscles that cycling and walking do not use, improves the balance and strengthens the legs. All for just a few minutes each day whilst watching the telly.

Here’s a good one for all you observant people. In all the disaster type movies and TV programmes, people walk everywhere. The humble bicycle is ignored even though it would be the most efficient type of transport. Anyone know why?

After his last cycling adventure, Mr Ranter decided to buy a proper racing bike. He went the whole hog and splashed out an astonishing £2,700. Then he had to buy some “extras”….like pedals. Er, what? You spend all that money on a new bike and you don’t get pedals?! Strewth almighty, it’s a barmy world alright.

Weather wise, I had one dry week in the month and went for it. 54 miles cycled in damn near freezing conditions mind. At least I wore the right clothing so was warm and dry, honest! But the wind was a bit of a killer..I had the ultimate kick in teeth during one of my cycle trips. I reach the crown of the original Severn Crossing (now M48) and ease up as now on the down slope. But due to the headwind, I had to keep peddling to maintain speed. Doh! No rest period for me then.

General Randomness

No new blogs or rants in the month I’m afraid. There are a few new jokes in that section mind. So mosey on over and have a butchers!

And now for a monumental feat. In February Mark Beaumont completed his latest cycle adventure. It took him 9 months to cycle from Alaska to southernmost tip in Argentina. A total of 13,000 miles. He also climbed the highest peaks in North America and Southern America during the trip. Wow. What an epic venture! His travel documentary is on the BBC on 23rd and 30th March. Final part on 6 April. Set your recording apparatus!

Sports News

For me the 4th of February was one of those great days as it meant spring is not too far away. Yes, the Yamaha YZR-M1 2010 was launched. What’s that then? Why it’s the coming seasons MotoGP bike for Rossi and Lorenzo. Time to dust off those knee sliders chaps! The riders had two separate testing trips in Sepang. Needless to say the fastest on all days was Mr Rossi. Has he already won the mental battle? Time will tell.

And then I learn a new MotoGP fact. When they crash and the parts are not fixable – they get crushed! How sad is that. Would love to buy a part and put it in the living room on display. Oh well.

And for a sports mad person, the Winter Olympics passed me by. Simply not interested at all. Oh well! I did hear though that GB won a Gold medal. No surprise really. It’s all down to the Nation’s love of tea. So that’s jumping on a tea tray and hurling yourself down an ice slope. The posh name for it is the Skeleton.

On the watching football side, I thoroughly enjoyed my trips to Cossham Street to watch Mangotsfield. There is a hardcore dozen (ish) who have a good old sing song and banter. Must be the funniest crowd in the league by far. Keep it up chaps – and of course chapess!

And the month ended with Portsmouth FC going into Administration. That’s good in my book. It’s about time the Revenue wised up and put the knife into clubs that don’t pay. Hopefully Crystal Palace, Chester et al will all go. I have nothing against these clubs. Believe me; it’s for the long term good of the game. See my rant https://smarty09.wordpress.com/2009/11/03/football-clubs-and-tax-debts/

A month in my life – December 09

The random happenings in my life during December 2009.  The names of the guilty have been changed. But they should know who they are. I might even be subject to some retribution……. 

This is the month that the jolly big red coated chap arrives. Here he is: 

I asked for a million pounds and a blonde with a large chest. He failed to deliver.

Apart from the usual present fiasco, Christmas Day went well. Full tum, walk on the beach and unbelievably, first “spring” daffodil in bloom spotted. No, I’m not winding you up, as I have a picture to prove it. 

Picture taken around 4pm on Christmas Day 2009 at Playing Place, Truro, Cornwall

People walking on Beach at Falmouth, Cornwall, Christmas Day 2009

I hope you all enjoyed the festive season and New Year capers. One person I follow on Twitter is Mark Beaumont who is cycling from the north of America, right down to the Southernmost point. He was in Chile for Christmas, and his Christmas Day posting was “Must have a hole in tent as woken with thousands of ants all over my breakfast. Just trying to brush them off. Might be a crunchy meal”. I trust your Christmas Day started better! Puts life into perspective doesn’t it? 

Burger Boy is adamant that Father Christmas does not exist. Poor deluded chap. 

And my final Christmas Day thought goes to the person who accessed my joke section. Hope I made you smile and you enjoyed the day! 

It is the month of general excess and I had a heavy week of fun with too much food in the lead up to Christmas week. Had great company mind and a tremendous laugh as well. Cheers m’dears….. 

So I wander into the new superstore for Curry/PC World and look on in amazement. Wish the doors were wide enough for me to drive through. It’s so big I need SatNav. Wow. An hour later I walk out with the £1.99 bit I was after. 

This month, I had several trips. London for a few days and then onto Cornwall as “The Boss” was 83. She barked out her instructions, I raced around like a lunatic getting all the bits. Will she ever slow down? Then back down again for a few days at Christmas. 

As for London, well, it was grim weather, but still very enjoyable. It’s such a multi-cultural place; it was rare to hear English being spoken. Asked for directions three times, and they were all none English speaking people. So I muddled through with Nokia Maps and did just fine. 

 

Out of the blue, the man from Abergavenny rang. We had a quick update chat and will hook up for a proper natter in the New Year. I thanked him for the best advice I have ever received. He gave it to me about three years ago and it is now my mantra. Take life easy he said. You have worked too hard for too long. You need to have done everything, seen it all and got the t-shirt. And make sure you do it twice over before you are 75. Well, 2009 was the first year of my new life. I’ve had an utter blast. Hope it lasts!!! 

As you know, I like my gadgets. And I’ve just bought the best one for ages. It’s called a Power Monkey and I got the solar adaptor as well. No more using electricity to charge my gadgets. Now all solar power. Who would have thought I would go “green”. Interestingly, it charges under a normal light bulb. But no charge under an energy efficient bulb. Mmmmm. Assume this is a spectrum of light thing. It even charges in the weak winter sunshine. While it states on the blurb that a full charge will re-charge a mobile 3 times, it only does mine 1.5 times. Ahh, the cost of a smartphone, with monster battery…… 

Power Monkey at the back, solar charger in front

Bob the Builder now claims to make the best pina colada. His recipe is 25% Appletons Rum, 25% coconut cream, 25% Malibu, 25% pineapple juice, shaken with loads of crushed ice. What do you think? 

Another new Skype user joins the ranks with much video waiving. And then I read that Nokia have just released a beta version of full the full Skype program. So not too far away from an official release then. Simply cannot wait for that. I already use the Fring version on my E90 which is “cut down and basic”, so will be great when a full official version is available. Will let you know when I’ve used it. 

The Man from Lydney had an accident. Snapped achilles tendon diagnosed, operated on and duly plastered. It came as no surprise that he could not cope with crutches – if you have met him, you’ll know what I mean. So, swallowing pride, he does the zimmer frame thing. Must get a picture…… 

At long last the weather took a turn for the worse, and winter duly arrived. Burger Boy then complains about being cold at the football “don’t understand it” he says “I’m wearing 5 layers”. Oh dear. All this is old hat now and simply irrelevant. Modern day fabrics rule the roost. He was frozen wearing 5 layers. I was warm and toasty wearing just two. The main difference? His first layer was a cotton t-shirt. Cotton absorbs sweat and so cools you down. Useful in summer, rubbish in winter. I wore a man-made fabric next to my skin. It wicks away sweat and so keeps your body dry. And therefore warm. My second layer was a very untrendy “buffalo” jacket. As used by the British Army – to sleep in i.e. It has replaced sleeping bags. Wonderful use of fabrics means it keeps the body the same temperature in a range of 12C to -10C. Oh, and it withstands 1″ of rain per 45 mins. Untrendy, but I was nice and warm!! 

By the way, if you are ever desperately cold, shivering away, get home as soon as you can. Make a hot drink. Whilst it’s cooling down to a drinkable state, have a hot shower. And when getting dressed, put on fresh clothes – not the old cold ones. You should be nice and warm within 20 mins of getting home. 

I live near Cribbs Causeway on the outskirts of Bristol. This means when the sales are on, I’m at home due to grid-locked roads. I hope everyone who was at the shops or stuck in traffic around noon on Monday 28th enjoyed the free treat. One of the two resident Spitfires took off from Filton Airfield and did 20 mins of acrobatics. Utterly glorious sight. Oh, and the noise from that Merlin engine. Untold joy. 

I did watch some news this month. I established the weather went cold, snow fell, and it was a holiday period, so people did strange things – like eat too much and they all went to the shops at the same time. 

My cycling update is a tad bereft this month as too much snow, ice, wind and rain. Despite this, my best mate beat my PB when he did a 32 mile non-stop trip. Beat me by 2 miles, so gauntlet laid down then. 

General Randomness 

No new articles written this month, just loads of jokes. Go on, have a butchers…. 

Did you know that 31 December 2009 was literally “once in a blue moon”? No, well let me explain. A Blue Moon is when there are two full moons in the same calendar month. On average this happens every 2.5 years. The next one that occurs on New Years Eve will not be until 2028. 

If you like movies, I highly recommend watching Sherlock Holmes. A great storyline that has been put into pictures.

Sports News 

I only went to watch Bristol City this month as combination of bad weather and fixture clashes. Nice company as usual, shame about the poor standard of football. As for my beloved Birmingham City, well, what a first half of the season that was! Above Liverpool at Christmas. No one could have seen that coming. At least I’ve been a fan for more than 40 years, so I know what happens next…. 

The best sporting achievement of the year goes to James Bowthorpe. Bet you have never heard of him! He cycled around the world in just 174 days, beating the old world record by an astonishing 20 days. Get your calculator out – 18,000 miles in 174 days. He was 32 years old and it was a £1.8m fund-raiser for research into Parkinson’s Disease. Will he get an MBE in the New Year Honours list? Err, no he didn’t. Do I relax in case he was offered, but refused? Or do I witter on about an injustice?