Football Hierarchy

FIFA

This is the world governing body. It is a private organisation, based in Switzerland.  The current leader has a vision of a truly “World Game”. He gets elected by the large voting contingent of Africa, Middle East and the Far East. In return these small nations “club together” and a country in their region, more often than not, gets awarded the World Cup.

Meanwhile, Mr Blatter has no significant support from the Americas or Western Europe. These areas are of course where the best players come from and play. And needless to say, the world finances of football are centred.

You have spotted the politics that goes on now haven’t you? Money does not talk. The voting in of the leader is what it’s all about.

EUFA

This is the governing body of Europe. The person who is elected leader is a very close ally of the FIFA leader. Well, you would be wouldn’t you, because you want the FIFA job in the end!

As they are the governing body of the richest footballing area on the planet – by a country mile – the leadership just has its hand on the tiller and does very little.

The FA

Hands up everyone who thinks The FA run the English game. Well, legally they do, but in practice they don’t. When the Premier League was set up, The FA conceded control of the game in all but name.

The good news is that this decision has resulted in the Premier League having the very best players in the world and stadiums to match. The standard of football is by and large, breathtaking.

The bad news is that the national team suffers. In the Club v Country conflict, there is only one winner: the club as it pays the players colossal wages.

And the people who run the FA are not exactly the best businessmen. And have you ever seen them issue a 5 or 10 year plan to “progress the game”? No me neither.

I suspect that as the money side is so massive, they will not be able to wrestle things away from the Premier League for a considerable period of time. Given that the people who run the Premier League have the bigger brains, the FA may NEVER get control back.

And how does the FA influence EUFA or FIFA. Well, it doesn’t. There are masses of committees for all sorts of things and we only have a couple of seats in entirety. What a waste of space.

So if anyone actually knows what the FA Executive actually does, let me know!! (Poncing about does not count by the way)

Bearing all this in mind, why are we so upset when the World Cup is awarded elsewhere? I am 49 years old. I genuinely believe England will not host the World Cup in my lifetime.

And for the record, yes I would have a stab at sorting the FA out. Trouble is I won’t be allowed as I will use up a large boxful of P45’s and everyone will hate me as I go into “Dictator mode”. Being a Dictator is the only way to properly sort out the mess.

Liverton Villa

Aston Villa and Liverpool form coalition to claim Premier League title from Chelsea

NEWLY-FORMED coalition club Liverton Villa have controversially claimed this season’s Premier League trophy after combining the points totals of their former incarnations as Liverpool and Aston Villa.

The Premier League’s constitution allows for clubs to form a coalition if the side that originally won the league did so without a significant majority of floating glory supporters giving them their backing.

The coalition club have been locked in meetings to determine which elements of each side would remain in the merger. The long negotiations resulted in a deal that will see Rafael Benitez step down as manager and hand over a side to Martin O’Neill that will line up in a claret and red strip at Anfield next season, to the strains of You’ll Never Walk Alone (UB40 remix) .

Liverton Villa’s ‘dream team’ of American chairmen George Gillet and Randy Lerner said (speaking alternate words): “With our combined points total of 127 we were by far and away the best team in the Premier League this year. We therefore claim the trophy, and the full backing of the people.”

The coalition will spend the summer campaigning for a new points system, which will more accurately reflect supporters’ wishes by finally registering every kick as a goal, rather than just shots. More engagement with Europe is also expected, potentially via a close-season pan-continental 5-a-side tournament.

But commentators have been quick to question the stability of the Liv-Av coalition, pointing to significant differences in their season manifestos.

“This is naked political horse trading,” said an incensed Richard Keys on Sky Sports News. “The cracks will appear very soon, both sides have totally different policies on hoofs up the pitch, tricky wingers and the need for an Emile Heskey.”

Liverpool have been open to the idea of a coalition team since their season began to go awry in August of last year. The Reds flirted with fashionable Tottenham Hotspur for a deal, before eventually deeming them “unacceptably Southern”.

Usurped champion Didier Drogba angrily responded to the audacious Liverton merger. “It’s a f*cking disgrace,” he said. “And what’s more they sound like one of the fake teams from Pro Evo.”