Posted tagged ‘sayings’

Very Interesting Stuff

09/02/2010

In the 1400’s a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have ‘the rule of thumb’.

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 Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled ‘Gentlemen  Only….Ladies Forbidden’…and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language. 

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 The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone. 

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 Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S.  Treasury. 

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 Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better. 

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 Coca-Cola was originally green. 

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 It is impossible to lick your elbow. 

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 Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair. 

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 The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer. 

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 The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments. 

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 Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: 

 Spades – King David

 Hearts – Charlemagne

 Clubs -Alexander, the Great

 Diamonds – Julius Caesar 

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 111,111,111  x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 

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 If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes. 

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 Q.  Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested? 

 A.  Obsession 

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 Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter ‘A’? 

 A.  One thousand

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 Q.  What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? 

 A.  All were invented by women. 

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 Q.  What is the only food that doesn’t spoil? 

 A.  Honey 

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 In Shakespeare’s time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.  When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase……… ‘Goodnight, sleep tight.’ 

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 It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride’s father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon. 

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 In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts… So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them ‘Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.’  It’s where we get the phrase ‘mind your P’s and Q’s’ 

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Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. ‘Wet your whistle’ is the phrase inspired by this practice. 

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 At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!

2010 Language and Sayings

08/02/2010

* SWAMP-DONKEY

A deeply unattractive person.

* TESTICULATING.

Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.

* BLAMESTORMING.

Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

* SEAGULL MANAGER.

A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

* ASSMOSIS.

The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

* SALMON DAY.

The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.

* CUBE FARM.

An office filled with cubicles.

* PRAIRIE DOGGING.

When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.

* SITCOMs.

Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.

* SINBAD.

Single working girls – Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.

* AEROPLANE BLONDE.

One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a ‘black box’.

* PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE.

The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

* ADMINISPHERE.0020

The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the ‘adminisphere’ are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded ‘administrivia’ – needless paperwork and processes.

* GOING FOR A McSHIT.

Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you’re just going to the loo.. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you’ll buy their food afterwards is known as a ‘ McShit with Lies ‘.

* 404.

Someone who’s clueless. From the World Wide Web error message ‘404 Not Found’ meaning that the requested document could not be located.

* AUSSIE KISS.

Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

* GREYHOUND.

A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

* JOHNNY-NO-STARS.

The ‘no-stars’ comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.

* MILLENNIUM DOMES.

The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there’s actually nought in there worth seeing.

* MONKEY BATH ..

A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: ‘Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!’.

* MYSTERY BUS.

The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you’re in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

* MYSTERY TAXI.

The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 110kilo in your bed instead.

* BEER COAT.

The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a pub crawl at 3:00am .

* BEER COMPASS.

The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after a pub crawl, even though you’re too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you’ve come from.

* BREAKING THE SEAL.

Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

* TART FUEL.

Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.

* PICASSO BUM.

A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she’s got 4 buttocks.


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