A Month in My Life – May 10

The random happenings in my life during May 2010.  The names of the guilty have been changed. But they should know who they are. I might even be subject to some retribution…….

The General Election duly happened and no less than two parties won. How long will the ConDem Pact last. Well, my 10p is way less than the 5 years they are hoping for! Whilst I was bombarded with leaflets through the door, no one formally popped round to canvass me. What a shame: I was really up for a full blown row!

I used my time wisely on General Election Day. I emailed South Glos Council with a complaint over the state of the roads near me. Then I told my Parish Counsellor who only lives 100 yards away from me. I think this is conclusive proof that I have officially become a Grumpy Old Man. Yes, I’m proud of it as well.

So, what happened following my complaint? Well, not a lot. South Glos have never got back to me and my local Counsellor is a little slow at replying as well. To follow the story and see the emails, click on this link: https://smarty09.wordpress.com/2010/06/01/patchway-potholes/

If your car has been damaged by potholes, visit this site: www.potholes.co.uk

As for the ConDem pact I have a thought provoking point. Whatever your politics, you have to admit that David Cameron is a very bright chap. So if the pact works, he takes the credit. But what if it fails? Well, surely that will suddenly become Nick Clegg’s fault? So he can neatly sidestep any failure. After all, that’s what great politicians do. Don’t they? So in other words, whatever happens, David Cameron gets re-elected next time round. Mmmmmm, we will find out later if I’m talking out of my…….

For a reason that baffles me, Burger Boy decided to go up in a small plane and jump out. I paid him to do it mind. A week before he was totally bricking it….. And afterwards? Well he wants to do it all over again that’s what he wants to do for his 18th! He obviously enjoyed that particular moment “wooooooaaa, what a rush”.   He raised £515 for Wings of Hope. If you click on this link, a PDF file should open with more info Burger Boys Skydive

I do not watch Question Time too often, but there are still debates over the Iraq war. For goodness sake, we will find out the true answers in 100 years time. We will all be dead. So let’s move on. What has happened cannot be changed. And for what it’s worth, my best bet is that there were genuine reasons why the Government believed so strongly on them having WMD. We soddin well sold them to Iraq in the first place! The issue was we did not know how many they had left over after using them on the Kurds and the Iranian Marshland people.

Have you ever played the supermarket game? What you do is pack your bags, get to the car and drive off, before the person at the check-out queue in front of you does. I’ve done it loads of times. It’s great fun and the expression on some people’s faces is priceless! Go on, give it a whirl……..and email me with your own supermarket stories!

Finally we had a few days of solid blue skies. Very nice to. And at long last I got the full benefit of my Power Monkey Solar Charger. Ooodles of free power for my gadgets.

I went to a local fundraiser and stumbled on jars of local honey. Needless to say, I indulged and is well, worth the price. At least I now have contact details for the future. Local honey should help reduce any hayfever systems, so we will see. But in the meantime it is delightful stuff to put on freshly baked bread. YUM.

The month ended with my one and only niece turning 17. Bloomin ‘eck, where did that time go? I vividly remember seeing her when she was just a few hours old. As it was a very difficult birth, her head was egg shaped with massive bruising. Thankfully no long term damage was done.

Whilst thinking of family stuff, I know what my Old Man was doing 70 years ago. He was at Dunkirk digging graves on the beach. That, my friends, is the reality of war. Because of his duties he was on the 2nd to last boat out. And to prove it’s a small world, I know the son of the Dunkirk Beachmaster – so he was last man off the beach. Remember. War is just mans inhumanity to man. Nothing else. 24 million people lost their lives on WWII. Remember that with a tear in your eye. 

I have cable TV and I am thoroughly indebted to Virgin Media for consistently re-booting at 11pm. Right at the important points in movies etc. It’s a good job I’m a relaxed laid back cool dude (!) otherwise I would be going purple with rage and having a right ‘ol rant……..and it only happened 6 times on the trot!

On the camera front, I treated myself to a new Macro Lens. That’s a specialist lens that takes close up pictures. Had a good play with it and experimenting like crazy. He’s a sample (pornographic) shot:

Mating time

Mr Ranter finally found his way back to Bristol on a Thursday night and we went out for a Friday bike ride. I had not been out for almost 2 months, so a bit of trepidation on my part. But I survived and managed 21 miles. I could not feel my legs after about the 16^th mile. So on that basis, it did me good. Mr Ranter took it all in his stride as he’s out as often as he can as he is planning to ride up Mt Ventoux this year. It’s a famous mountain climb that the Tour de France use most years.

On the last weekend of the month, I finally “ticked another box” and went to New Road, Worcester to watch Glos v Worcs. If you don’t know, New Road always makes the Top 10 prettiest cricket grounds in the world. Well, it’s certainly the prettiest I have ever been to. It was a nice weather day, great food and fabulous company throughout. And it was great to hear so many people talking with a brummie accent. Lovely. But I have a rather unexpected highlight for you. I was taken aback with the sign “chip butty £2.85”. In fact I was mesmerised. Don’t think I have ever seen a sign for a chip butty! That brought back memories. Chip Butty = food of the gods. Is your mouth watering right now?

New Road is also famous for its home made cakes, and I was not disappointed. Lydney Bob only had 5. Nowhere near his all time record of 7.

Would you believe the month ends with me taking charge of two hamsters whilst PALS go on holiday? Hope the little rascals behave themselves in front of the camera.

General Randomness

No new articles written this month. and only a few jokes as well. Must have been working lots then!

Sports News

The month started with the crowning of a new snooker World Champion. Well done to Neil Robertson. He’s an Australian by the way. And rather good looking as well. Am I allowed to say that?????

On the football front, the Premier League champions were Chelski. They also won The FA  Cup. The teams to get relegated were Portsmouth, Burnley and Hull. Yea, gads, I predicted these three last September. Wish I had the courage of my convictions and popped down to the bookies! Oh well, never mind.

And then, in the middle of the month something quite remarkable happened. England were crowned Twenty20 cricket World Champions. That’s the first time the cricketers have ever been World Champs. And they beat the Aussies in the final as well. Nice. Very nice. To paraphrase a rather famous piece of commentary “Kylie, Jason, Dame Edna, Rolf Harris, Don Bradman. Your boys took a hell of a beating!”

In the world of Rugby, Exeter Chiefs won promotion to the Premiership. They beat Bristol in both of the 2-game finals. Exeter were definitely the best team, Bristol making lots of errors.

I will leave you with a picture of a spin bowler in a rather awkward position. I took at at my trip to New Road. Till next month 😉

The awkward shape of a spin bowler

A Month in My Life – March 2010

The random happenings in my life during March 2010.  The names of the guilty have been changed. But they should know who they are. I might even be subject to some retribution…….

Firstly I have to start with a massive “thank you” to everyone out there in the webby world. I started this little blog venture at the end of August 2009. I have now had over 1,000 blog site hits. I’m utterly gob smacked. I set myself a target of a 100 hits a month. I’m now regularly getting 150+. Wow. Miles above my expectations – and who knows where this is going. The main thing for me is fun. Making someone smile comes free of charge……..

Oh, and if you are interested, I rarely publicise my blog site. The hits are all down to copious amounts of “tags” in my postings. So people find me via searches. And I suppose loads of jokes help the cause!

Right, I guess everyone in the UK is well and truly t’eed off with the weather. Enough’s enough and time for a tactical change. I propose that a weather announcer is ritually sacrificed every week. Yes, folks lets get back to Pagan Rituals!!

And as we know, it has been a truly awful winter. And yet, much to my surprise, my herb garden is in full flow. It has survived. Yippee!

Chives and Coriander growing well after the harsh winter

Having succumbed to a football match burger, I was called Burger Boy 2. Oh, the ignominy!

Whilst on the subject of food, I need to have a moan about hot cross buns. Yes, they are not hot, and that is because it has become the custom to have them cold. But this year, how many have you seen any with something resembling a decent cross? Very poor show in my book. I mean, just how difficult is it to put a cross on! Should I be tootling off to Trading Standards?

And after about 20 odd years of me badgering away, The Boss finally succumbs to having hearing aids. You would never guess that she’s experiencing a whole new world now. Like she can actually hear me on the phone. And she no longer has a silent flush on the loo. In fact she cannot believe the level of noise a flush makes! Big sigh of relief on my part. She’s 83 by the way.

Are you worried over the price of fuel? Well, don’t forget that 75% of the pump price is tax. Prices have risen recently and this is due to increases in the price of oil – which is bought in $ and £ has depreciated against the almighty $. Now Stirling has depreciated because of the poor state of the UK economy. Got that? It has nothing to do with oil companies. Now go out into the streets and spread the word!!!.

I bought a step counter and this proved conclusively that excessive tea drinking is good for you. It keeps my step count up for all the trips backwards and forwards to the loo. It is this sort of thinking that got me where I am today!

Omron Step Counter. Just put it in your pocket and it counts your steps. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy!

And also bought gel insoles for my trainers. Wow, do they make a big difference. No more foot pain after an hours walking. Great!!

With the rubbish weather, I only managed to cycle 40 odd miles in the month. But at least I managed a longer trip to improve my endurance side. Having built up my fitness again, now is the time to get off the tarmac and onto canal towpaths, forest trails etc. To this end I bought a Garmin Edge 605 MTB, so the bike now has SatNav. The blurb tells me I’ll never get lost. As I’m never one to shy away from a challenge….

And a couple of cycle incidents to report. I was attacked by a terrier dog, snapping away at my left heel. Dog and owner not overly impressed with the sharp kick I handed out either. And no, the dog was not on a lead and the owner’s vocalbary was limited to four letter words!

And then a young mum with pushchair aimed her buggy at me on a very wide pathway to deliberately block my way, so I had a last minute manoeuvre to dodge them. She obviously wanted me on the road in the heavy traffic. For goodness sake, the path was wide enough for at least three double buggies to be side by side! She obviously was not into sharing “her” pathway.  And of course she was perfectly happy to put pram and baby in the way, therefore totally relying on me to brake and swerve. Nice!

The Northern expression is “nowt so queer as folk”. Yes, indeedie!!

Keep smiling folks. It’s good for the soul, honest.

General Randomness

 No major new articles written this month. But lots of jokes for your enjoyment and I now have a separate cycling section. There is lots on in April, but mainly sporting related as we have the magical crossover of football, rugby, cricket and motorbike racing. Yum Yum.

Another attempt is being made on the round the world cycling record. Alan Bate is trying to do 18,000 odd miles in…..wait for it…..95 days. You can follow the nutter here: http://www.worldcyclingrecord.com/

Sports News

Now where do I start? Lets do Rugby for a change. Bristol are now in the promotional play off system and I went to the first game. They duly beat the Cornish Pirates. I was given a free ticket. And had a free pint. And a free pasty as well. And yet I felt cheated. Yes, really, I did. Bristol should have put the knife in and romped home to a big victory. But they didn’t.  The coach said afterwards that the players were nervous. Well, this is all irrelevant in my book. You are in the entertainment business. So entertain! What encouragement have I got to keep going back?

And on the football side, there was one, very important game. Arsenal v Barcelona at The Emirates. Anyone who knows football looked forward to that one. Now I know someone with a ticket. I offered £500 and was turned down. So he’s a proper football fan then. Bravo.

On a smaller scale, Bristol City sacked their manager. Strange goings on behind that one I think.

And on an even smaller scale, Mangotsfield are on a great winning streak with the team playing as a proper unit of players now. Good to see. It’s a shame more people don’t pop along to watch.

Moving onto cricket, England toured Bangladesh and won all their games. Big deal. But Bangladesh are touring the UK this spring, so whose going to pop along to watch them when they cannot even win a match in their own country? Do I spot a financial disaster looming?

A month in my life – January 10

The random happenings in my life during January 2010.  The names of the guilty have been changed. But they should know who they are. I might even be subject to some retribution…….

The month started quietly as all of the country was covered in snow. The kids out my way were pretty useless. No one threw a snowball at me. My car alarm did not go off as they didn’t clear the snow of it. And to make matters even worse, a distinct lack of snowman. Poor, poor effort in my book.

We only had one day when the sun as out all day when we were still snow covered. I duly togged myself up and ventured out with the camera. I did a 2 hour walk in the morning and met…..just two people, even though the schools were still closed. Guess everyone likes the warmth of their house too much.

Snow covered Severn Estuary. Aust Bridge is in the background - that's the orginal bridge.

And the final tale of the cold weather goes to Cornwall. It was cold enough for pensioners to be awarded the extra Cold Weather payment. So even the warmest part of the country was cold. Believe it was the coldest in Cornwall since the 62/63 winter. And to think I took a picture of a daffodil on Christmas Day 2009!

Its early days, but word on the street is that Burger Boy has a girlfriend. But please don’t tell anyone as it’s a secret!

Regular readers will not be surprised that I have another South Glos Council moan. You received good press about having ample salt/grit supplies towards the end of the cold, snowy spell. Neighbouring Councils almost ran out. But when it thawed the state of the roads became truly awful. Yes, you had loads of salt/grit left as you didn’t put that much on the roads. Now get on with the road repair problem asap – please. Pretty please!

Now here’s a good one for the grey matter. A posh jewellers gets its front window smashed in by very amateur thief’s – who get caught quickly I add. Police disclose that the window items were all fakes. This was because it is a requirement of the insurance company. Makes sense to me…….but what if you walk into the shop and specifically ask to buy an item in the window? Are you sold a fake at full price? Mmmmm. Interesting!

My latest training gadget is a Wobble Board. A round piece of wood and a domed bit is underneath, centred in the middle. This puts the board about 4cm’s off the floor.  All you have to do is stand on it without holding onto anything. Simple. Er, no. Can just about manage 10 seconds. And what an unbelievable leg, knee and ankle exercise it is. Apart from extra leg strength, I’m hoping it makes my balance better. This should help my very low speed manoeuvring on the mountain bike. Will let you know how I get on.

I am fortunate enough to drive a BMW and it was time to get two new rear tyres fitted. If you have a Beamer, you will know that the tyres wear out in the centre, no matter what pressure they are run at. So instead of Michelins, I now have Dunlops fitted. They have a different tread pattern for the middle of the tyre and I hope this leads to better mileage.

Michelin on middle wear indicators, but loads of outside tread. Typical BMW wear.

New Dunlop. Note the different centre tread pattern compared to the Michelin.

Now you all need to pay attention here. For the umpteenth time, don’t go to an AGM. Ever, ever, ever. Got that? For reasons probably involving insanity I went to Gloucester Cricket Clubs AGM. Three hours of my life that I will never get back almost wasted. I say “almost” as at least it wound me up. And I walk out mystified and annoyed at the level of ineptitude at the club. So I cheered myself up and bought Somerset Membership.

It was rather nice of the man from Cambodia to offer me a place to stay for a holiday. My “to do” list gets even longer.

My cycling update is non existent! Weathers too cold. But I did take the bike to bits and give it a full service, so already to go when the weather picks up. Will you let me off?

And finally for this part, my advice is to go out and make someone smile. After all, it’s a free service.

General Randomness

I’ve managed to do a bit of writing this month and did a couple of articles (apart from the jokes):

UK’s Energy Supplies https://smarty09.wordpress.com/2010/01/11/uks-energy-supplies/

Weather Cycle https://smarty09.wordpress.com/2010/01/09/weather-cycle/

Sports News

It all starts on New Years Day. The big local derby saw Mangotsfield visit Yate and my 5 year record of watching Yate win this one…..continues. Dear me. A 4 – 2 loss. Dare I suggest that no less than 5 Mangotsfield players had too much “pop” the night before?

The world of darts crowns its World Champion early in the month. And for the 15th time, it was Phil “The Power” Taylor. 15th time? Nuff said. He is a legend. He won £200k, with the runner up getting £100k. Not bad for a pub game!

As for Bristol City, yes, I went to that game. Not often you see the home side get hammered 6 – 0!

And now onto cricket. England have been playing test matches in South Africa. Performances have been patchy as well. England do not have a Test batsman listed in the world’s top 16. Problem there then. Also the much lorded Kevin Pietersen only produces a good innings in every 20 odd. So why is he in the test team then? The problem with test cricket is that the England players cannot adapt from the one-day format. It’s as simple as that.