Maths Lesson

The Official Man Utd Maths Workbook, which covers sums for practising Key Stage Two maths for 7-11 year olds. This has been introduced as part of the Government’s maths campaign.

1. ACCELERATION. Wayne is 78 yards away from the referee at Old Trafford and Gary is 65 yards away. If Wayne can run at 21 mph and Gary can run at 16 mph, who will be sticking their vein-bulging forehead into the hapless whistler’s face first, assuming Wayne does not stop to stamp on an opponent on his way.

2. TELLING THE TIME. If one minute of time is taken up in a game for substitutions and one minute for injuries, how much injury time the referee will add on if Man Utd are losing at home?

3. PROBABILITY (1). Ryan Giggs is a Welshman. Express, as a percentage, the number of internationals he has missed on a Wednesday evening, compared to the miraculous recoveries he made for the following Saturday.

4. SUBTRACTION (1). Manchester United are one of the giants of world club football. How many more European Cup Finals have they appeared in than Steaua Bucharest? (For one extra mark; How many more than Reims ?)

5. SUBTRACTION (2). How many more times have Man Utd won the European Cup than Nottingham Forest ?

6. DISTANCE. You are the referee at Old Trafford. How near to a visiting defender does a tumbling Christiano Ronaldo have to be to earn a penalty if he goes down in the box? (Note: Round your answers down to the nearest 10 yards.)

7. PROBABILITY (2). Express the statistical probability of visitors to Old Trafford being awarded a penalty. Compare this with the probability of opponents of Man Utd being awarded a penalty home or away, and then discuss if a penalty awarded to Man Utd would be awarded to their opponents in identical circumstances.

8. BASIC ACCOUNTING (1). Mark The Red lives in Guildford . How much does it cost for him and his two sons to travel to the Theatre of Silence every other weekend, including limited edition matchday programme, a few drinks and a prawn sandwich all round? How much could he save per week if he watched his local team instead? (Note; round your answers down to the nearest thousand pounds.)

9. BASIC ACCOUNTING (2). Alex had a hotel room booked in Athens for the Champions League Final. How much money did he lose when cancelling his reservation?

10. WEIGHT AND PRESSURE. Christiano is 6ft tall and very strong and fast. How much pressure need be applied to make him tumble over in the opponent’s penalty area? (Note: answers should be in lbs per square inch. However, answers such as “The same pressure as Alex applies to referee” are acceptable.)

11. MONEY. Juan was a lazy boy and often went missing. Alex was very cross and wanted to sell him. If Juan cost £28m to buy, how much do you think Alex sold him for? How many pennies did Alex lose?

12. SIMPLE ARITHMETIC. The average Man Utd fan can shriek at 35 decibels; the average visiting supporter can shout at 65 decibels. If, during a match, 5% of Man Utd fans are munching prawn sandwiches, 10% are stuck on the M1, 2% are asleep and 15% are still trying to work out which team is which, how many visitors are needed to out-shout 60,000 reds?

Global Warming

The word is global warming. We all nod in a knowing way, blinded by science. Some provocative thoughts though:

The planet is 4.5 billion years old. Our weather data covers just a tiny period. Basic weather data is only 200 odd years old. And the scientific detailed stuff is 30 – 40 years old. There isn’t a computer system in the world that is accurate 72 hours from now.

The UK weather is dominated by a combination of the Gulf Stream (warm water from Gulf of Mexico) and the Jet Stream (air stream). Jets have only been around for 50 odd years.

The UK is today, about 1C cooler than it was 1,000 years ago.

In geological terms, we are in an Ice Age.

So much for the UK. Lets think bigger – our planet. And where do we get our heat from? It’s not a trick question: The Sun. 

Earth does not orbit the sun in a perfect circle. It’s elliptical. Also, Earth is tilted slightly with the northern hemisphere being closer to the sun. Oh and don’t forget Earth very slightly “wobbles” every now and then, so changing all the angles.

Then there are Sun Spots that flare up and die back down every 10 – 15 ish years or so. These directly affect our weather. In fact there have been hardly any sunspots over the past few years. The basic rule is that the fewer the number of sunspots, the less heat the sun gives out.  It looks like we are heading for the lowest sun spot activity in the last 100 years. Around 1,000 years ago, there was lots of solar activity and this led to a warming period.

The Earth is about 600,000 miles further away from the sun than it was 2,000 years ago. This is because the universe is expanding and we are very, very slowly loosing the suns gravitational pull.

Recent satellite mapping of Greenland suggests that the Arctic may have been periodically ice free some 6,000 – 7,000 years go. And why do you think it’s got that name?  Yup, Norse settlers only 1,000 years ago grazed cattle, grew crops etc for about 300 years. (See above on sun spot activity for cross reference).

And the scientists have an easy job. They can say what they want. “In 50 or 200 years time….dire warnings etc etc”. Yes, you have guessed it; I’ll be dead and so will the scientist who spouted off…….you can fudge, fake or fiddle with whatever statistics you want. My Uncle Phil taught me all I need to know about statistics – if 50% of the population are men, and 50% are women, everyone has one bollock and one tit. Nuff said.

And so onto the Polar Caps. The Arctic’s lowest level of ice is in September. The 2009 ice level is some 500,000 sq km more than in 2008 – which was again, 500,000 sq km more than 2007. Why – well, there have been fewer solar flares on the sun. This fact is straight from the United Nations. Did you catch it on the news? And for those of you who like size comparisons, 500,000 sq km is about the size of France.

Old maps are also interesting. The South Pole is ice covered rock. Satellite imaging mapped out the rock perimeter about 20 odd years ago. And a map from the 16th century matched it. By cricky…….

But lets say there actually IS proper global warming going on. The worst case scenario is that sea levels will rise 4′. Lots of flooding etc etc. So why is it I can climb the peaks in Somerset that are some 200′ – 300′ high – and I can pick up sea shells? Just asking……

And finally, remember that what you hear and see on news programmes is brought to you from the news/entertainment sector. The media are NOT scientists.