Lawyer and Insurance Story

BEST LAWYER/INSURANCE STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE, AND POSSIBLY THE CENTURY. This took place in Charlotte, North Carolina .  A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost ‘in a series of small fires.’  The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued and WON!  (Stay with me.) Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous.   The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable ‘fire’ and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars that perished in the ‘fires’. NOW FOR THE BEST PART… After the lawyer cashed the cheque, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!  With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine. This true story won First Place in last year’s Criminal Lawyers Award contest. ONLY IN AMERICA .. NO WONDER THE REST OF THE WORLD THINKS THEY’RE NUTS

Girls reunion

Rachel, Clare and Samantha haven’t seen each other since High School. They rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange to meet for lunch in a wine bar.
 
Rachel arrives first, wearing camel Versace. She orders a bottle of chilled chablis.
 
Clare arrives shortly afterwards, in grey Chanel. After the required ritualised kisses she joins Rachel in a glass of chablis.

Then Sam walks in, wearing a faded old Barbour anorak, blue jeans and Wellington boots. She too shares the wine.
 
Rachel explains that after leaving school and graduating from Oxford in Classics she met and married Timothy, with whom she has a beautiful daughter. Timothy is a partner in one of London ‘s leading law firms. They live in a 4000 sq ft house in North London , where Susanna, the daughter, attends drama school. They have a second home in the hills above Monte Carlo.
 
Clare graduated from King’s College and became a Consultant Gynaecologist. Her husband, Clive, is a leading A&E Consultant. They live in Dulwich and have a second home in Florida .
 
Sam explains that she left school at 17 and ran off with her boyfriend, Ben. They run a tropical birdpark in Norfolk and grow their own vegetables. Ben can stand four parrots, side by side, on his dick.
 
Half way down the third bottle of chablis, several hours later, Rachel blurts out the her husband isn’t Tim, he’s Tom and he’s a clerk for Islington Council. They live in a terraced house in Muswell Hill and keep a caravan in France.
 
Clare, chastened and encouraged by her old friend’s honesty, explains that she and Clive are nurses in King’s College. They live in Herne Hill and have a timeshare in Orlando.
 
Samantha says that the fourth parrot has to stand on one leg.

Aunty Sharon

A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment to get their Parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end.

The next day the kids came back and one by one told their stories. Karl said, ‘My father’s a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying chickens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess.’

‘What’s the moral of the story?’ asked the te acher. ‘Don’t put all your eggs in one basket!’ ‘Very good,’ said the teacher.

Next little Emily raised her hand and said, ‘Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks and the moral to this story is: ‘Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched’.’

‘That was a fine story Emily. Rich, do you have a story to share?’

‘Yes. My dad told me this story about my Aunty Sharon. Aunty Sharon was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was 3 bottles of rum, a machine gun and a machete. She drank all the rum on the way down so it wouldn’t break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands.’

‘Good heavens,’ said the horrified teacher, ‘what kind of moral did your father tell you from that horrible story?’

‘Stay the f**k away from aunty Sharon when she is pissed