Football Hierarchy

FIFA

This is the world governing body. It is a private organisation, based in Switzerland.  The current leader has a vision of a truly “World Game”. He gets elected by the large voting contingent of Africa, Middle East and the Far East. In return these small nations “club together” and a country in their region, more often than not, gets awarded the World Cup.

Meanwhile, Mr Blatter has no significant support from the Americas or Western Europe. These areas are of course where the best players come from and play. And needless to say, the world finances of football are centred.

You have spotted the politics that goes on now haven’t you? Money does not talk. The voting in of the leader is what it’s all about.

EUFA

This is the governing body of Europe. The person who is elected leader is a very close ally of the FIFA leader. Well, you would be wouldn’t you, because you want the FIFA job in the end!

As they are the governing body of the richest footballing area on the planet – by a country mile – the leadership just has its hand on the tiller and does very little.

The FA

Hands up everyone who thinks The FA run the English game. Well, legally they do, but in practice they don’t. When the Premier League was set up, The FA conceded control of the game in all but name.

The good news is that this decision has resulted in the Premier League having the very best players in the world and stadiums to match. The standard of football is by and large, breathtaking.

The bad news is that the national team suffers. In the Club v Country conflict, there is only one winner: the club as it pays the players colossal wages.

And the people who run the FA are not exactly the best businessmen. And have you ever seen them issue a 5 or 10 year plan to “progress the game”? No me neither.

I suspect that as the money side is so massive, they will not be able to wrestle things away from the Premier League for a considerable period of time. Given that the people who run the Premier League have the bigger brains, the FA may NEVER get control back.

And how does the FA influence EUFA or FIFA. Well, it doesn’t. There are masses of committees for all sorts of things and we only have a couple of seats in entirety. What a waste of space.

So if anyone actually knows what the FA Executive actually does, let me know!! (Poncing about does not count by the way)

Bearing all this in mind, why are we so upset when the World Cup is awarded elsewhere? I am 49 years old. I genuinely believe England will not host the World Cup in my lifetime.

And for the record, yes I would have a stab at sorting the FA out. Trouble is I won’t be allowed as I will use up a large boxful of P45’s and everyone will hate me as I go into “Dictator mode”. Being a Dictator is the only way to properly sort out the mess.

Politics, heaven and hell

THIS IS A NONPARTISAN JOKE THAT CAN BE ENJOYED BY All PARTIES!

NOT ONLY THAT– IT IS POLITICALLY CORRECT!!

While walking down the street one day a “Member of Parliament” was tragically hit by a truck and died.

His soul arrived in heaven and was met by St. Peter at the entrance.

‘Welcome to heaven,’ said St. Peter.. ‘Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.’

‘No problem, just let me in,’ said the man.

‘Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.’

‘Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,’ said the MP.

‘I’m sorry, but we have our rules.’

And with that, St. Peter escorted him to the elevator and he was sent down, down, down to hell. The doors opened and he found himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance was a clubhouse, standing in front of it were all his deceased friends, many of whom were politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone was very happy and in evening dress. They ran to greet him, shaking his hand, and reminiscing about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne 

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who enjoyed dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realized it, it was time to go.

The M.P. received a hearty farewell and waved while the elevator began to move upwards…

The elevator went up, up, up and the door reopened in heaven where St. Peter was waiting for him.

‘Now it’s time to visit heaven.’

So, 24 hours pass with the M.P. joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing their harps and singing.  They had a good time and, before he realized it, the 24 hours had gone by and St. Peter returned.

‘Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.’

The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: ‘Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.’

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he went down, down, down to hell.

The doors of the elevator opened and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He saw all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash fell from above.

The devil came over to him and put an arm around his shoulders. ‘I don’t understand,’ stammered the M.P. ‘Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time… Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.

What happened?’ 

The devil looked at him, smiled and said,

‘Yesterday we were campaigning…  Today you voted.’ 

A Month in My Life – April 10

The random happenings in my life during April 2010. The names of the guilty have been changed. But they should know who they are. I might even be subject to some retribution…….

The election was duly announced and so there was a massive pile of paper thru my letterbox. At least I found out that I was in a brand new constituency! And did you spot there was an obvious omission in all the manifesto’s? Well, here it is: “if elected and we fail to implement 75% of the manifesto, then we admit we are liars and useless in our jobs. Therefore we will not be standing again”. So in other words……..use your vote with care.

Burger Boy’s buckle belt looks like this:

Burger Boys Belt Buckle

You will have spotted that a certain volcano caused a lot of havoc. Masses of media attention and I do not know anyone who was caught up in it. No different from the Swine Flu then – I still don’t know anyone who caught it……. But I did enjoy all the jokes.

Now here is a classic tale about red tape. There is a Housing Charity that has done brilliant work for many years. In the last 3 years they have doubled in size and helped out countless people. Given their increased size, they decide to use the Law Society to review their work. Quality of work was given the thumbs up, but they now have tripled the amount of paperwork they used to do. As they do not have the funds for extra staffing, they have had to reduce the number of people they see. This means less help for people in the community. Less help due to extra paperwork. Quality of work unchanged. Sounds daft to me.

And one of the things the Charity is famous for?…….suing local Councils for making people homeless as they have not understood or applied the law properly. Mmmm, I’m going purple with rage again……

I spent a few days down in Cornwall and The Boss ran me ragged. Friends were also down that way and so we all hooked up. A very busy and thoroughly enjoyable few days were had. If you are ever in Truro, make sure you visit the Kathmandu for they do the finest curries you will ever come across. And if you are in the Gorran Haven area, pop into Treveague Farm and you will see nature in action:

New born lamb at Treveague Farm

Mr Ranter discovered that I have been blogging about him. Now you might just be a tad puzzled as to why he had no idea. Well, he’s not on Twatter and thinks Facewink is a pointless collection of non-friends. But he has only just discovered the delights of a smartphone, so there is a chink of light in the tunnel. Anyway, he wishes to point out he does NOT rant. He is the voice of reason. Yea, right!

I have just realised I have not had a rant over South Glos Council for a while. I mentioned all the potholes left after the winter snow a while back. Well, the really bad ones were fixed pretty quickly. The smaller ones were circled in yellow paint about 2 months back. There were so many circles, I described it as “the yellow brick road”. And I can now report that the paint is fading – fast. Any bets on which month the repairs will actually happen?

Went out for a long bike ride on a very gusty day, so it was hard work. OK, it damn near killed me! But finally, I experienced a tailwind that led me to accelerate rather nicely….uphill. First time I have had that one happen, and rare events are always nice! And I’m pleased to say that my perseverance with the wobble board has paid off. My bike handling is greatly improved.

General Randomness

Looks like I am about to embark on a spot of family tree research. Given my weird family, it is bound to be hysterically funny!

Probably the best thing I discovered this month was Dropbox. An online site where you can store up to 2GB for free. Never loose a file again. I like that. And it automatically updates changed files as well. Super, super stuff. My simple  guide is here: https://smarty09.wordpress.com/2010/04/24/dropbox/

Sports News

Firstly, big congratulations to that “little” team called Fulham. They have made it all the way to the Europa League Final. An amazing fairytale that started way back last July.

I was treated to some lovely hospitality for the Bristol City v Notts Forest game. The quality of the food was matched by the quality of the football: excellent (for once!). Interestingly, Burger Boy had a good go at eating a proper meal, but his eyes really lit up after the game – large pile of pizza. There’s no hope for the lad.

Mangotsfield’s Easter Monday derby with Yate saw them win. Unsoddinbelievable!! I have waited 5 years for this victory and it comes on a cool windy day. Lets hope this is the start of a decent run in the local derbies. Please. Pretty please ;). The season officially ended with the club in a comfortable 9th position. Hope they can build on this for next season.

And then the cricket season started with woeful performances by Gloucestershire. The whole team is just not performing and the body language is truly awful. Something is wrong. Seriously wrong. So why do I go? Well, I’m sat in the sun, nattering to all and sundry. So in other words it’s a massive social. Nowt to do with quality of cricket……But then on the last day of the month they pull off an away win at Lords. Onwards and upwards? We shall see.

The warmer weather sees the start of the Motorbike racing season. I have not been to the opening British Superbikes meets, but have been watching the TV coverage. Some very close racing going on in the support races.

And MotoGP also began. The first race was just littered with unexpected events – very, very enjoyable. In case you have not guessed, 2 wheels rule by the way 😉

The best sporting moment of the year so far is an utterly astonishing win in the World Snooker championship. Steve “interesting” Davis knocks out the World No 1 and reigning world champ. Steve is 52 years old. There’s life in the old dog then. Commentators described it as the best ever victory whilst the tournament has been at The Crucible. Needless to say he got utterly thrashed in the next match!